Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
