It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Randomize
