anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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