She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
