i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
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