You really coming over, don't trick.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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