Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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