Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
