he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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