I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
