DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
