Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
