Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
