y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
BRING THE BAGELS
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
