seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
