Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
