We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
