I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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