I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
