cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
