I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
