Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
