im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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