why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
