On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
