walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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