I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize