We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
