i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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