Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
