You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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