Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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