drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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