I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
