I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
