i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
