Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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