Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Randomize
