So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
