Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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