If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
We have started to decorate penises.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
