so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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