How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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