So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
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So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
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I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him