By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.