its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
