i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.