I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.