I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
i came on her dog
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.