seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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