she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
