The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
