Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
