I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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