ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
is that a dick in a sweater?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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