i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
