Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
