I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
