drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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