Tell her she can't have a vagina
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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