True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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