4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
