his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
My boob is missing a layer of skin
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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