what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
My underwear smells like fireworks.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
