I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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