We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
