some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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