if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
