I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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