I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Damn victory sex feels great
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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