omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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