dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
