Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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