hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
